It’s been a while since I stood atop my TIF soap box and wrote about anything of substance. The death of Noah Sapp made me realize, I still have “Something to Say.”
Over the past few days, I’ve heard numerous people asking how they can help. What can they do to help in some way with the Noah Sapp tragedy? For starters, I’ll tell you what we can ALL do. In his honor, in his memory, make an effort to treat each person you meet with the love, empathy and compassion that we have all spent tears wishing the world would have afforded a boy named Noah Sapp. And while you’re at it, encourage your children and grandchildren to do the same.
There may be a few different reasons why bullies are bullies. In my opinion, all roads lead back to the adults in their lives. We either influence them by example with our own bad behavior, or we neglect to correct the bad behavior they picked up somewhere else. Sadly, some children come from abusive homes where they learn to be abusive and repeat the pattern by bullying others.
If we all take a few moments to step back and reflect, it’s everywhere. Not just in Toronto. Our president spends his days on Twitter freely tossing out vicious, personal attacks and insults. No one is safe from his bullying. Does anyone honestly believe the POTUS has zero affect on the rest of the nation, on the children? Putting the politics of it all completely aside, looking only at the very basic bottom line behavior – if you openly support anyone (yes, anyone) who is insulting, belittling, name calling and the like be it the president or anyone else, how can you expect your child to know that is wrong and they shouldn’t behave that way? Sending mixed messages never ends well. They do what you do, not what you say to do.
What about the way we treat one another? What about those parents who pick up the pitchforks and don’t just attack the people they disagree with and don’t like, they go so far as to try to get them fired? Embarrass them in public. Talk about them in private, on social media, wherever. This is bullying to an extreme. And your kids are watching. When you’re belittling a teacher or a coach and your child knows it, you are not only undermining that adult’s authority as a teacher or a coach, you’re teaching your children it’s okay to disrespect them/other adults. What about when you influence your children to treat someone you don’t like, poorly? Hey, how about a coach who is supposed to be molding our children and setting a good example telling parents, other coaches and student athletes lies and negative nonsense about administrators, other coaches and other student athletes? What about the authority figures in their lives causing and promoting division instead of tolerance and unity? Hatred instead of understanding, forgiveness and tolerance. These are but a few examples that have supposedly happened in the recent past. Are we surprised we have bullying in our schools? I have no idea who bullied that sweet boy, where, how or why. What I DO know is all of these things supposedly went on in his school, on his team, in his vicinity. And all of these things create, support and enable bullying. Heck, all of these things ARE bullying but by the adults in their lives.
Moving to the next issue and example of where they learn it: The dirty rotten politics, back stabbing and the things that go on to harm people behind their backs (in government, schools and sports) while you’re smiling in their faces is nothing short of a goddamn disgrace. AND OUR CHILDREN ARE WATCHING. But then everyone sits around scratching their heads at a complete loss for why they behave the way they do. Or better yet blaming the schools, administrations, teachers and coaches because they can’t keep your children from being exactly who they’ve been taught, by example, to be.
Two kinds of people are responsible. The people who behave this way, and/or instigate it in others and the people who see it happening and do nothing. I get that it is scary to stand up and go against the grain. It can be intimidating. I’m guilty of seeing it and doing nothing, more than once in this lifetime. Self preservation kicks in. Fear overwhelms and that is exactly how an adult bully gets to continue. Schools and our children mirror this. It’s sometimes difficult for our children to find the courage to stand up against a bully and protect their friends. We need to teach our kids that there is strength in numbers and they need to join together and STAND UP! We need to teach this by example. I decided the other day, that is exactly what I’m going to do moving forward.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”― Edmund Burke
I believe to the depths of my soul that people are basically good. There is an overwhelming abundance of kind, generous, loving people in Toronto, Ohio. We always come together. We ALWAYS take care of our own. We are made of better things and that comes shining through when tragedy strikes our community. However, it only takes a few to create this climate. Well, a few adult bullies plus a lot of people who enable them by looking the other way. Our children are mirroring these exact adult scenarios. It’s horrifying that it has escalated to the level that children all over the country are taking their own lives to escape the pain and helplessness they feel at the hands of bullies who won’t stop and a society that creates and enables them.
If Noah Sapp’s pain and tragedy have taught us anything please let it be that we are more mindful of our own behavior, that we hold all bullies accountable, that we find the courage to stand up to them and for their victims. ALL OF US. Don’t tell your children how to behave. Teach them by example. Pay attention and realize they are mirroring us. Enough is enough. If this tragedy doesn’t wake us up and teach us to choose change, nothing ever will.
Peace, love and infinite light!
